Grandchildren



1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup,
under the watchful
 eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done
many times before.
 After she applied her lipstick and started to
leave, the little one said,

"But Gramma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper
good-bye!"
 I will probably never put lipstick on again
without thinking about kissing the
 toilet paper good-bye...

 
*2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me
Happy Birthday.
 He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.
 My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he
asked, "Did you start at 1?"

 
*3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a
grandmother changed into
 old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to
wash her hair.  As she
 heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew
 thin.  Finally, she threw a towel around
her head and stormed into their
 room, putting them back to bed with stern
warnings.  As she left the
 room, she heard the three-year-old say with a
trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

 
*4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter
what her own
 childhood was like: "We used to skate outside on
a pond.  
 I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a
tree in our front yard..  
 We rode our pony.  We picked wild
raspberries in the woods."
 
 The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all
in.  At last she said,
  "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you
sooner!"

 
*5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked,
 "Grandma, do you know how you and God are
alike?"

  I mentally polished my halo and I
said, "No, how are we alike?''
  "You're both old," he replied.

 
*6.  A little girl was diligently pounding away
on her grandfather's
 word processor.  She told him she was
writing a story.  
"What's it about?" he asked.  
 "I don't know," she replied.  "I can't
read.."

 
*7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her
colors yet, so I
 decided to test her.  I would point out
something and ask what color it
 was.  She would tell me and was always
correct.  It was fun for me, so I
 continued.  At last, she headed for the
door, saying,

"Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of
these, yourself!"

 
*8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation
cabin, we kept the
 lights off until we were inside to keep from
attracting pesky insects..
 Still, a few fireflies followed us in.
Noticing them before I did,
 Billy whispered,

"It's no use Grandpa.  Now the mosquitoes are
coming after us with flashlights."

 
*9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I
teasingly replied, "I'm not sure."

"Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised, "mine
says I'm 4 to 6."

 
*10. A second grader came home from school and said to
her grandmother,
 "Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to
make babies today."  
 Thegrandmother, more than a little surprised,
tried to keep her cool
 "That's interesting," she said, "how do you make
babies?"

"It's simple,"  replied the girl.  "You just
change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

 
*11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a
public servant," said a teacher.
 The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the
ladder pregnant."

  The teacher took the lad aside to
correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she
asked.   
  "Sure," said the young boy
confidently.  'It means carrying a child."

 
*12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to
their home one
 day when a fire truck zoomed past  Sitting
in the front seat of the fire
 truck was a Dalmatian dog.  The children
started discussing the dog's
 duties.  "They use him to keep crowds
back," said one child.  
"No," said another.  "He's just for good
luck."  
A third child brought the argument to a close.
"They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the
fire hydrants."

 
*13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma
lived.  
 "Oh," he said,"she lives at the airport, and
when we want her, we just go get her.
 Then, when we're done having her visit, we take
her back to the airport."

 
*14.  Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!
He teaches me good things,
 but I don't get to see him enough to get as
smart as him!

 
*15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over;
you hear gas leaks,
 and they blame their dog.